How to use this survey

I want to be able to share the emotion that I feel reading your experience. Details that seem irrelevant are often meaningful. Just tell the whereabouts and everything, if you can, except for the names of course, but try to be colorful. Remember that I am a novelist, I know how to deal with secrets. You may answer in spanish, italian . A french version is available here. THE LIST OF THESE QUESTIONS MAY BE DOWNLOADED HERE

First awareness

At what age did you first feel attracted by your own gender , when did you get aware that it should remain secret? Besides, how old are you now?

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Suspected

Could you tell an episode after which, for the first time in your life, you have been suspected of being such?

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Faked normality

At what age did you start to fake normality and how?

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Spotting the problem

Did any adult(teacher,priest etc) have spotted the problem about you when you were a child?

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Forbidden intimacy

Was any member of your family "such" when you were a child? Any suspect intimacy with him/her??

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Sarcasms in childhood

Did you have to endure sarcasms as a child. And how did you react ? Loss of self-esteem, or agressivity?

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Religion and curse

Have you felt wounded and offended by various condemnations of homosexuality by religion? And if you are yourself a gay priest, a lesbian sister, a bishop of a queer type, how do cope with them?

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Constant betrayal

Have you ever preached for tolerance towards homosexuals but undermeaning that you were absolutely ignorant of their lifestyle?

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Balanced pornography

Can masturbation be the answer for a lifetime? Does online pornography play a role in your psychological balance ?

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Many celebrities are such

Does history and great characters in art/politics etc help you consider your homosexuality more acceptable?

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Superiority

Do you feel superior to others because of what you feel?

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Could not stand it

Have you ever been tempted to commit suicide because you could not stand your own preferences?

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Twin behaviour

Have you had a twin brother or sister that could be affected by the same sexual behaviour?

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Will clone for truth

Let's imagine that the inevitable cloning of humans would bring evidence of a genetic factor in homosexuality. Would you think it is a lie?

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Doomed from childhood

Have you ever thought of a young boy or girl: "bet he/she's gonna turn like this"?

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Lacking self indulgence?

Does your closeted homosexuality keep you from practising self indulgence in other fields than sex (such as food, shopping, fashion)?

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Get rid of it all

Have you ever been tempted to contract a marriage to get rid of it all?

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The burden of solitude

At what age did you suffer most the pain of solitude? Did you finally come to like it?

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Religion hurts or relieves?

Which is the relationship between your homosexuality and your religion? Painful or harmonious?

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Kind person or not?

Your homosexuality is a source of kindness in your character, or leads you to resent people and facts all the time?

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Good old family life

Are you nostalgic about normality ? What do you envy at times in family life ?

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Age and prestige

Has your homosexuality any relation ship with authority and/or the age difference between partners?

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Paedophilia basta?

How do you feel about those paedophilia scandals and the way it is publicized?

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Never a single doubt- or what?

Can you be absolutely positive pretending that your spouse has neved had a doubt about you, and has not chosen to ignore it?

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Spouse background

If you analyze the background of your spouse, can you spot any other homosexual, aunt, uncle, father, grandfather?

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Genetic factor

Have you ever suspected, while observing families around you, that a genetic factor may be involved in homosexuality?

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Grown kids knowing all

Does anyone of your grown kids have let you know that he/she knew all about you?

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Guilty when I look at them

Do you feel guilty when you look at your children?

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Serious talk

Is by chance one of your kids homosexual? If so do you flee any serious talk or not?

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Backstreet or front row

You are leading a double life, but with whom? Stable backstreet relationship? Or anyone available will do?

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Pain and relief

Do you frequent a gay/lesbian bar or a spa, or a bath? Is it a relief or another source of pain?

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Closeted passion

Are you secretly in love whith someone that does not have an inkling about your feelings and would probably be horrified. If it helps, can you try to describe him or her enough to touch someone who has never met that person?

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Essential lies

Do you feel stoic or devastated to hide what you consider essential in your life - or is it not essential after all?

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Gay lobbyists

Activists, gay lobbyists, what do you think of them?

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Good to your cause?

All that fuss around gay marriage, gay parents, etc, do you think it really does any good to the general cause of homosexuality?

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What's up abroad?

Could you describe an experience of homosexual life abroad?

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Shrinking tolerance

If tolerance is now commonly spread, would you fear that it shrinks back under the influence of foreign cultures?

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Lean towards outing

Would you lean towards outing in your old age ?

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Retired together

How about a retirement home only for homosexuals. Do you find it shocking or not?

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Even worse than growing old

Growing old as an homosexual, is it even worse than growing old?

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Orientation towards violence

Is there a link in your opinion between resenting homosexuals and being oriented towards violence?

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The full and true story of my life

Do you fancy, at times, telling the full and true story of your life just before or long after your death (writings)?

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Only from other homosexuals

Do you think that a homosexual can expect real understanding only from other homosexuals?

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